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06 December 2012 @ 12:44 pm
signs you might be stressed.  
I am tired of articles detailing all the warning signs for stress, like we don't know. (Oh, you mean that waking up six times in one night gnawing on my own extremities is a bad thing?!)

Here are my top ten signs that you might be stressed:

1) Idle curiousity about the pros and cons of poisoning a bunch of food about to be consumed by yourself and your housemates.

2) Clinging desperately to the idea that your cats would actually miss you if you died, and they don't deserve that, because they are so sweet.

3) A self-imposed limit of 15 minutes per day of fantasizing about an inpatient stay in the hospital.

4) Consistently terrible nightmares not terrible enough to make you want to get out of bed.

5) Half-assedly wishing you'd get hit by a car, because a slew of broken bones might grant some perspective.

6) Seriously debating breaking off all human contact that isn't mandatory (like, job-related) in an effort to quarantine the internal nastiness you're currently spewing into the world.

7) Passionate longing for somewhere to go where no one would ever find you. Wondering what would actually happen if you just laid down by the side of the road and closed your eyes and refused to respond to any sort of inquiry.

8) Frequent daydreams about intense violence.

9) Daily breaks for crying fits.

10) Complete inability to lie, tell everyone everything is fine, and just fucking handle it, because that's what you're supposed to do, that's what you've always done, that's what you're here for, and that's all anyone has ever expected of you. Just fucking handle it.