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07 August 2015 @ 11:45 am
Ugh  

Being broke is the worst. It's like not having a car. Money and cars are invested with so much cultural power that they become synonyms for power, their absence synonymous with helplessness. I have a car, but it doesn't run without money.

If I were only dealing with the logistics of having no money and not the metaphorical implications, I would be much better off. Helplessness, powerlessness, dependence, isolation, failure, immaturity and regret are all much tougher to deal with than no money.

But no money is the path that I have chosen. It's the path I chose when I quit my job and went back to school. It is, in all likelihood, the path I am forever stuck with.

I have got to figure out how to have $1.50 and no gasoline and a week until payday and still get out of bed. That's my goal. Find the day worthwhile, somehow, and a way to participate in it.

Before noon, maybe.